A reflection on Ruby Wax at Bradford Literature Festival
Written by Rebecca Foster
BLF audiences joined Ruby Wax at St George’s Hall for her highly-anticipated event discussing the topics in her latest book, I’m Not As Well As I Thought I Was, described as her ‘most honest and raw book to date’.
Host, Remona Aly, remarked that Wax received a truly ‘warm northern welcome’ to the stage as we settled in to hear about Wax’s eclectic career, including her work as an advocate for mental health. Wax brought her trademark humour, wit and openness to the evening as she discussed her personal experiences with depression, bipolar disorder and different treatments for both.
She opened by discussing her unique experiences of attending a 30-day silent retreat and staying at a Christian monastery. She described how no phones were allowed at the retreat, and without the distractions of social media or the power of consumerism you start to “notice the little details … your mind is free”. Her book focuses on finding something outside of yourself, and she shared how at the retreats she was able to stop worrying what others thought of her and understand that everyone sees reality through their own lens. Wax also spoke of the importance of practicing mindfulness, how “you can become the driver of your thoughts, not driven by them”.
Aly questioned how some studies have found a correlation between comedians and depression; Wax responded that you could find a link between any career and illness and that “when you’re ill, you’re no longer you – and your inside doesn’t know what your outside does for a living”. She shared how her family can now notice the signs when she’s heading to depression, and know how to give her she support she needs.
Wax also shared how she took part in the BBC show Who Do You Think You Are, and discovered the women in her family, going back many generations, had mental illness in their genealogy. She found this fascinating, even more so when Mayan healers later told her “The women in your family say they’re sorry”.
Throughout the evening, Wax recounted her days of celebrity interviews and friendships. She quipped, “the whole point of my career was to get Carrie Fisher to be my friend!”, before sharing the story of how they first met and their 35-year friendship.
Speaking of her interviewing style, she ‘forgot the notes’ and always focused on seeing who someone really is on the inside: “look into a person’s eyes, it will tell you everything”. Her style was to make them laugh and that “if someone is real with me, I’ll be real right back”.
Wax is founder and patron of Frazzled Cafe, running since 2017, and had spoken at one of her virtual cafes just before joining BLF at St George’s. The cafes, now held in-person and online, provide safe, confidential, supportive spaces where people can join together to talk about the stresses of modern life. Wax says they’re an opportunity to speak from the heart and as she puts it, ask “what are the weather conditions like inside of you right now”. She’s thrilled that her cafes are diverse spaces for young, old, and all nationalities. Her work supporting others made its way into her tour, where she would match together people from the audience who she thinks can help each other and encourage them to meet after the show.
The BLF event closed with an audience Q&A, where many were happy to share their own experiences of mental illness and ask Wax for advice. One audience member asked for Wax’s thoughts on antidepressants and antipsychotics. She replied that they’re ‘vital’; that mental illness is a disease, so you have to treat it as such and use medication, but it doesn’t work on its own and you have to find other ways to manage it, too.
Another asked whether Wax realised she had depression or did she mistake it for something else, and had health professionals taken her seriously? Wax shared how she first thought she had a physical illness, but emphasised how mental and physical illnesses are so closely connected: “the brain is the mothership, it affects everything else in the body”. She explained how GPs initially diagnosed her with glandular fever, and she didn’t realise it was depression until after the birth of her third child where she ‘felt possessed’.
Another question many may have found helpful to hear was, how to help someone at work who you can tell is heading towards depression. Wax suggested asking them to join you for a coffee and gently approach the subject: “tiptoe in there… and they may be really grateful”, but also know it’s important to back off if they’re not ready to talk about it yet.
An EMDR practitioner in the audience agreed with Wax’s thoughts throughout the evening that common sense, humour, straight-forward conversations and learning not to be ashamed of mental illness were all so important. They added, “thank you for being a really good example of how you can live your life, regardless”.
Wax’s tour accompanying her book, I’m Not As Well As I Thought I Was, continues across the UK until November 2024.